UNTITLED

Look what I’ve found

 

It’s a poem I wrote when I was younger; I think it could’ve been my first poem …

It’s a bit rough… but yeah

Didn’t give it a name though

So it’s untitled

I want to get my creative juices flowing again... Maybe there’s something interesting hiding in there

You just never know J

When all times fail and there’s no where left to look

Turn to me and I’ll be there to become your wings

We’ll fly away from the earth and back,

Sail the seas and walk the lands

Then when we get back to earth, you’ll forget the worries that you’ve had

We’ll work it out both you and me

Then fly again beyond the sky

TALAQ

So it’s been a while since I’ve spoken about me….

With my recent divorce (talaq) I thought that maybe it’s a good idea to try some new things.  I have been divorced now 2 months… (Yes….. I’m still within my iddah period)… and separated for 3 months before.

Moving forward is a bit difficult… Being in something for so many years then it ending does have its effects. The kids being young are still very confused. Also trying to re-adjust to living with my parents. Now with having the girls and compromising my rules with my parents. Then there’s having someone next to you that has become a norm. Trying to support my kids financially with very little help from their father…. (No I am not trying to bad mouth him – just saying it like it is)

So it’s been a difficult 5 months, and after my iddah I think it’s gonna get a more hectic. But they say that nothing good comes without a challenge… So I’m gonna take this challenge head on LOL

There are things that I want to do though. Maybe go study and finally get my license.

The iddah is a challenge on its own…

Me loving my Bling bling and my make up, and being without it for 3 months is getting to me a bit. The not going out part I can deal with….I was never someone to go out. I work so that is my everyday outing.

My parent’s house being so busy, it’s difficult for me to walk freely all the time. Men walking in and out at any given time.  Then there is the invading of privacy. I love my family very much, I do… but sometimes you just wanna be alone with your kids… or just alone. And they help me quite a bit through this.

The emotion that sometimes goes with it doesn’t really affect me though. The more I look at it the more I see that I have made the right decision. I can live without the traumas and hurt that came with what was. But that’s over now, and a new leaf is turned.

My life seems happy and more fulfilling. I laugh more, read more doing things I love. Spend more time with my kids and with my family and friends... I’m renewing old friendships at least trying to. I can see that people are more themselves around me than they’ve been in years.

Right now I’m contempt with myself and happy … not just ok happy, but genuinely happy with myself… LOL

THE BLOOD THAT BONDS

MY NEW BOOK!

About this Girl named Two… yes like the number!

Experiencing Molestation from her father, homelessness, Prostitution and eventually drug addiction at a very young age…

But it comes with a twist, a vampire twist hehehe!!!!

Defiantly something different
If you are as twisted as I am, you’ll probably enjoy this book


Its followed by a trilogy that I just have to read

Your Mother

by Yusuf Islam

 

 

 

Who should I give my love to?
My respect and my honor to
Who should I pay good mind to?
After Allah
And Rasulullah

Comes your mother
Who next? Your mother
Who next? Your mother
And then your father

Cause who used to hold you
And clean you and clothes you
Who used to feed you?
And always be with you
When you were sick
Stay up all night
Holding you tight
That's right no other
Your mother (My mother)

Who should I take good care of?
Giving all my love
Who should I think most of?
After Allah
And Rasulullah

Comes your mother
Who next? Your mother
Who next? Your mother
And then your father

Cause who used to hear you
Before you could talk
Who used to hold you?
Before you could walk
And when you fell who picked you up
Clean your cut
No one but your mother
My mother

Who should I stay rigt close to?
Listen most to
Never say no to
After Allah
And Rasulullah

Comes your mother
Who next? Your mother
Who next? Your mother
And then your father

Cause who used to hug you
And buy you new clothes
Comb your hair
And blow your nose
And when you cry
Who wiped your tears?
Knows your fears
Who really cares?
My mother

Say Alhamdulillah
Thank you Allah
Thank you Allah
For my mother

My Mum Is Amazing

Zain Bhikha -

She wakes up early in the morning with a smile
And she holds my head up high
Don't you ever let anybody put you down
Cos you are my little angel

Then she makes something warm for me to drink
Cos it's cold out there, she thinks
Then she walks me to school, Yes I aint no fool
I just think my Mom is amazing

BRIDGE/CHORUS

She makes me feel
Like I can do anything
and when she's with me
there's no where else, I'd rather be…

After School, she's waiting by the gate
I'm so happy that I just can't wait
To get home to tell her how my day went
And eat the yummy food, only my Mom makes

Then I wind her up cos I don't wanna bath
And we run around the house with a laugh
No matter what I say, she gets her way
I think my Mom is amazing

BRIDGE/CHORUS

Then I wake up in the morning, she's not there
And I realize she never was
And I'm still here in this lonely orphanage
With so many just like me

And as my dreams begin to fade
I try hard to look forward to my day
But there's a pain in my heart that's a craving
How I wish I had a Mom that's amazing
Would be amazing

The "Camel Hump" hijab

THERE ARE POSSIBLY  THOUSANDS OF BLOGS /EMAILS /WEBSITES THAT HAVE TOUCHED ON THIS ISSUE: SO NOW ITS MY TURN...LOL

I have been hearing about this whole big thing about how the "camel Hijaab" is haraam, and me loving my Hijaab, decided to go find out were it comes from. I found that it stems from a hadeeth that is as follows:

It was reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are two types of the people of Hell that I have not seen yet: men with whips like the tails of cattle, with which they strike the people, and women who are clothed yet naked, walking with an enticing gait, with something on their heads that looks like the humps of camels, leaning to one side. They will never enter Paradise or even smell its fragrance, although its fragrance can be detected from such and such a distance.” (Narrated by Ahmad and by Muslim in al-Saheeh).

]

Now I am no senior scholar or anything but I thought I would give just my opinion on it. At first I thought why would it be haraam? It’s encouraging more women and more youth to cover them and wear the Hijaab. I won’t lie... I sometimes wear it like that. And there is AWAYS a reason as to why something is made haraam.

looking at the Hadeeth I was wondering if all of those go together - referring to the women that will not enter...(or get the smell) of Paradise.

Because they do say 2 types of people:

Men with the whip people like cattle

And the women that are openly dressed with a "camel hump".

....At least thats how I read it....

Well what if you have a “camel hump” and you are covered?

Doesn’t that count for something?

Is it not about ourah?

Are we then not discouraging young women to wear the hijaab

Is this hadeeth then not taken out of context?

Just questions I’ve been asking myself since I’ve come across this whole thing.

I am not perfect; I listen to music and do a number of things that make me well...ME... Even though I try to better myself, I do have my flaws... (allot of them), but I think if it is encouraging young girls to cover themselves, which now a days is something very rare, then should it not be a good thing.  And I am not saying that all the ulema saying that this form of Hijaab is haraam are wrong. I just want to know what exactly makes it haraam. Is it because it has now become a fashion statement? And if so does it not encourage non Muslims to then cover themselves as well? Help them see the beauty in our deen?

Its all so confusing.



Boeka On The Beach

The fast is here and I am in a different mind space... But sometimes you get so distracted with doing other things that you don’t realize how much time you actually waste doing these unimportant things

The hardest thing about the fast is not really the hunger part
It’s everything else that comes with it

Controlling your temper

Keeping your thoughts pure and clean

The Ramadan is a time to ponder, reflect, repent.It’s a time for change, by doing small things....

There is a hadeeth that is as follows:

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “Fasting is a shield (or a screen or a shelter). So, the person observing fasting should avoid sexual relation with his wife and should not behave foolishly and impudently, and if somebody fights with him or abuses him, he should tell him twice, ‘I am fasting.” The Prophet added, “By Him in Whose Hands my soul is, the smell coming out from the mouth of a fasting person is better in the sight of Allah than the smell of musk. (Allah says about the fasting person), ‘He has left his food, drink and desires for My sake. The fast is for Me. So I will reward (the fasting person) for it and the reward of good deeds is multiplied ten times.”

It’s amazing how many things you notice during this time that you never really saw, how many things you appreciate more...

Like when I am driving to or from work... The beauty of the world that we are live in... The grass is greener, even the mist looks more beautiful and more mysterious

Then I had an encounter with an asylum. And it made had me thinking and appreciating my life and my sanity and the way the creator has made me.

Why is there so much hostility in the world during this time? I thought this was a month of peace, but all around me I am seeing people act out. Is it just their test? Or have they lost their patients because they hungry LOL

What I really look forward to in the Ramadan is our mass boeka (Iftar). All my cousins and friends and friends of friends come. Just us youngsters. Anyone that is considered "youth" can come. We come together and bring whatever we can. Every year it is at a different location.

I remember our first mass Iftar:

It was on the beach. We were all rushing to get there on time, and then trying to hear the athaan (Call to prayer). (Didn’t have a radio...LOL). Finally when we saw the sun had set we broke our fast. Made our prayer on the beach. It was allot of fun and very cold. But that didn’t stop some of us to jump into the freezing water....

MEMORIES I WILL NEVER FORGET 

 

The Guitar

My brother has a guitar and I thought it might be a good idea to try something like that out

You know how it is.... You always hear or see someone playing and wonder how hard it actually can be....

Or it is....: “I wish I can do that".....



I recorded a piece but it doesn’t sound as good as it does in Live LOL.....


It really actually sounds pathetic, but I guess you get better as you try. I don’t want to be held back I want to do everything I can do in this life to make it full.... I want to be old and grey and be able to tell little stories and say: “I did that” with a smile on my face…. No regrets… Even if it is a bit wobbly

It’s not about the beginning or the end.... It’s about the journey

FRINGE

Not the type you wear as hair....lol

Everyone has been saying I must try and finish a series of something.... anything. Some people even have been giving me anema... (Wrong spelling. I know - LOL). I dont have a problem with anima, BTW...... But I can’t seem to sit and watch something without being distracted and once I’m distracted I lose interest.

Then my brother starts watching FRINGE..... OoOh.. It is soooooo CoooOooL... Once you start you can’t stop..... Like that Pringle add....

It’s about a FBI Agent who employs a criminal that gets his father out of a mental institution to help them with supernatural cases.....

I think it’s like a mix of Criminal Minds and supernatural...... Again......

SoooOoo CooOool!!!!

It’s a must watch

Shariefah Khasief Fadzielah

Recently went to a quiraah program It was really spiritually uplifting... listening to finish off a gatam (the entire recitation of the Holy Quraan)

Have you heard a female quariah before? Like Shariefah Khasief Fadzielah - International female quariah

She is unbelievable.... the power in her voice....

UNDERSTAND ME

You do not understand me and dare not try.
I confuse you a bit but you don't know why.

I seem so happy..."How can that be?"
my image is shown as oppressed on t.v.

All you've been taught was so real to you;
I am proving different..."Now what to do?"

Do you keep believing in that image you "knew"
or try to understand this from my view?

I am sane, I have a mind and please don't call me weak.
I live and love, laugh and cry and am allowed to speak.

I think for myself, reason and rhyme and am far from being oppressed
But you're so quick to think that of me simply by how I'm dressed.

This is my choice, my own free will that's why I dress as you see;
so before you judge by what you "knew", come and talk to me.

Anonymous 

Somewhere I belong

I remember when I was a bit younger, I started listening to linkin Park and watched these Dragon ball Z videos.Listening to LP recently brought back all those memories... (LOL - Lotsa funny ones.... was that really me??)


Here's one. Not my favourite, but it just applies itself so well for now....

(When this began)

I had nothing to say

And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me

(I was confused)

And I let it all out to find

That Im not the only person with these things in mind

(Inside of me)

But all that they can see the words revealed

Is the only real thing that Ive got left to feel

(Nothing to lose)

Just stuck, hollow and alone

And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel

What I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain

Ive felt so long

(Erase all the pain till its gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel

Like Im close to something real

I wanna find something Ive wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

And Ive got nothing to say

I cant believe I didnt fall right down on my face

(I was confused)

Looking everywhere only to find

That its not the way I had imagined it all in my mind

(So what am I)

What do I have but negativity

Cause I cant justify way everyone is looking at me

(Nothing to lose)

Nothing to gain, hollow and alone

And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel

What I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain

Ive felt so long

(Erase all the pain till its gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel

Like Im close to something real

I wanna find something Ive wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

I will never know

Myself until I do this on my own

And I will never feel

Anything else until my wounds are healed

I will never be

Anything till I break away from me

I will break away

I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel

What I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain

Ive felt so long

(Erase all the pain till its gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel

Like Im close to something real

I wanna find something Ive wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

I wanna heal, I wanna feel

Like I am somewhere I belong

I wanna heal, I wanna feel

Like I am somewhere I belong

Somewhere I belong

IcE CrEaM VS FrOzEn YoGuRt

 For Tharwat - my Ice cream inspiration 

Ice cream

You scream

We all scream

For Ice cream

Had frozen yogurt and Ice cream over the weekend and still can't decide....

Made me feel like a little girl again.... I was sitting on a bench swinging side to side while eating the cone with not a care in the world

Had this huge cone with chocolate sauce, English toffee, chocolate sauce, strawberry a dollop of chocolate and Milo crumbs over... SWEET HEAVEN

Later had the banana caramel Ice cream waffle...ABSOLUTELY  DE VINE


Apparently the Frozen yogurt is healthier but has more fat than the ice cream.... or at least its something like that


How do you decide???

All I know is that i love these frozen little deserts....


Making my mouth water just thinking about it........
..........mmmmmm......


I tHiNk Im In LoVe....

Devils Descent

I love to read.... a whole lot of crap ( as a good friend puts it)

Mostly Supernatural love stories..... Yes, like the twilight kind

I have just finished reading a book " Devils Descent" by Claudia D Christians.
It is not for the faint hearted and not for the under aged.....

A  story of a Vampire and a Resurrectors twisted love / hate relationship. I must emphasise
there is alot of explicit content there in.

More about me

Just so you know straight away AGAIN.... that this is not some Islamic blog. It is anything but

Its all about ME - LOL

Just gonna post anything that comes to my mind that I find interesting ( which is almost anything - LOL)

SO......... if there are things that you find offencive, these are just my views, my opinion, or whats on my mind at that moment

I am a young South African woman, going through the changes of everyday life. Trying to find myself, and this is probably what this is all about.

There are many things I love and dislike (Hate is such a strong word). Finding new things, playing around and finding how it works....

Welcome to my road of discovery......

YEAH!!!!

YEAH!!!!

Finally got this working.....

This is nothing special.... Just me expressing what i feel.... SO! if there is no material after a while, you know why... The novelty has worn off....LOL

This is not an Islamic blog. Just my view.

 My hijaab is something i am proud of IE: the reason for the name... I feel elegant and sexy. Why do I have to expose myself and degrade myself to feel beautiful. It should come from the inside.

So this will be me... From the inside, and a bit of the out...